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The
Wisdom of Chairman Merlin’s
"Complete Screenplay Workbook
Have
you ever met anyone who thought
they knew everything about writing
screenplays? If not, make sure you
shake my hand the next time you
see me at a workshop or a reading.
Before you’re put off by the
arrogance, please let me explain.
I
was, at one point, represented by
a very influential agent at
William Morris. Success and all
its trappings were, I believed,
right around the corner. I had
meetings with well-known producers
and actors. I had assumed the
Hollywood attitude. In the end, my
agent left Willie Mo for a
prestigious producer’s spot at a
major; leaving me with a vague
suspicion that her first
production (a flop) bore an
uncanny resemblance to an idea I
had pitched.
Burned
to a crisp by my Hollywood
experience, I vowed to forgo
screenwriting forever. Then I met
Sally Merlin. An interesting
person, I thought. A little too
touchy feely, perhaps, but well
enough connected that she could
help revive my moribund
screenwriting career.
We
agreed to work on one of my
already completed scripts
("They loved it at 20th
Century Fox," my agent
proclaimed). Naturally, Sally
suggested many changes!!
("Michael Taylor at Orion
said it’s a ‘perfect’ piece
of writing!") Okay, okay, I’ll
play along. You want a re-write;
you’ll get a rewrite! It won’t
hurt to fake it! I’ll dazzle her
with a little bit of editing and
then I’m off and running back to
LaLa Land!
Then
she handed me something called The
Complete Screenplay Workbook.
"Do the assignments!"
Sally commanded. Assignments?? Oh
great…I’ve run into a latter
day "Our Miss Brooks".
So…let’s
analyze these assignments.
Probably a piece of cake.
©
Assignment #1, Why do
you want to write? Simple. I
want a beach house in Malibu.
©
Assignment #2, Who, not
what is your movie about? It’s
about me making tons of money,
living well, being feared and
envied, etc.
©
Assignment #3, The
Philosophy, Oh great…now she
expects me to be Socrates or
Descartes! You want philosophy?!?
Try this: I write, therefore I’m
prosperous.
©
Assignment #4, How does
the main character change?
Well, he’s one way in the
beginning…then something happens
to him about the middle and he
gets kind of messed up…but then
everything’s all right and he’s
all better by the end. They all
live happily ever after. (I really
liked this last assignment, I felt
I stretched myself on that one).
©
Assignment #5, The Plot.
Plot??!! Now this is too much.
This little woman is absolutely
insane! Plot!! Hasn’t she seen
"Battleship Earth?" All
you need is a high-concept script
and/or a multi-million dollar
megastar! These days, the only
plots in Hollywood are at Forest
Lawn Cemetery!
©
Assignment #6, The
Adversary. Any studio
executive. Or, Sally Merlin,
because she’s obviously not
going to let me (or anyone) skate
through these
"assignments".
Okay…so
I exaggerate (but only slightly)
my initial reaction to the
workbook. Then something strange
happened when I sat down and
actually worked through each one.
Things about the script became
clearer. Options in plot and
character development emerged.
Structural flaws became obvious
and easily correctable.
I
became a better…a much better
writer. And, astonishingly, a more
insightful person.
I’ve
always considered it a delicious
irony that Sally’s last name is
"Merlin". Because in my
view she’s most definitely a
wizard, and alchemist. She
transformed my leaden script into
gold.
There’ll
always be a place for her in my
Malibu beach house!
Mike
Elliott
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